i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
