What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
