also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
