How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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