Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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