Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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