So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
