please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
