It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
