oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
