Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
whose parrot is this?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
