She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
