every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
