There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
