Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish my penis had an off switch
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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