I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
