Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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