areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
