A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pants are for mortals
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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