Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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