My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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