And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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