dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
