Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
