You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
