Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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