in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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