i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
