Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
