dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
