I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
