Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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