I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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