insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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