Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
