you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
