help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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