you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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