Your dad touched me again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
