Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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