I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
