the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
