What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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