Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
