I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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