are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
