I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
