Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
