so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
