Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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