Small penises have feelings too.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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