My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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