glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
