Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had sex on a roof
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
