my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will be naked everywhere
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
