well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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