So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Farmville is her only friend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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