i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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