Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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