If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
