there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
These tits shall not be calmed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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