We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
