Yo dont text me then not text me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
