are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need a burrito and a hug.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
