i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Four minutes until I can fart!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
