so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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