sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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