Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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