woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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