Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
