pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
