JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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