I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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