Your face is a jimmy john
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
