Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
