seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
