Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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