it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize